Good as always and they are quarentined so it’s all good =D You ain’t gonna die, You’ll have access to guns ;D
Just got done at a therapy appointment, all is well, just hungry so I am feeding on human flesh ^w^ I contracted LQP-79 Virus earlier today jk jk Lmao
I have been pondering all this time for words to say, since they usually come so easy to me. All that I want to say is that I love you and thank you for being here for me =)
Thank you =) it means a lot that you can relate. Things will get better, I know, it is just so hard to deal with so much change, so fast. I’ve switched schools every single year of high school, moved 3,000 miles and parents have undergone a divorce. I’ve had to sortof become an adult in order for my family to stay somewhat sane and keep balance - but I am losing all my sanity myself. I want to go back and be a child though - a lot of people think I’m at least in my 20’s if they have never met me because of all the responibiltes I have to take on, as well as maturity.
Thank you for reaching out to me though - it was refreshing to know that someone cares =) I have been missing that. <3
I feel like this is the only place I can vent. I am depressed, like the rest of the world. Today I have felt the first true fiber of togetherness with friends, yet I feel like the most lonely person in the world. I don’t know them, and they don’t know me. I don’t know me, which is a sad conclusion that I have to face. I told Chloe that sometimes, instead of trying to find yourself, you have to let yourself find you - which sounds amazing in theory, but for me; I chase to far ahead - which is why I think of these relationships I share with people that I think I know, are close, when really I am alone. Potentiality is not my friend, but my mortal enemy. This foe is dark and it is now starting to consume me. I have post-poned the consumption by blocking my emotions, by dealing with others, instead of myself.
I need ‘me’ time, but I have no idea where to find it, and when it will ever happen. I have too much to deal with as a teenager, and turning 18 in just a couple months makes me realize that I have grown up to quickly. That because I have strived for independence all my life and pursueing goals, possibly out of my reach, I never got to be a kid for the last five years. Five years of vitality that just seems to face me in a nature that isn’t… normal. I am angry, and vengence for my lost childhood is dwelling over me. I am lost in independence; only hoping that maybe one day I can have someone to balance me out.
I want a relationship - but at this point I am not ready. I am not chasing for perfection - I just want someone who gets me for me. That can help me through this time that I face; and that I could love and nurture the same way. I want commitment, but at the same time freedom of friendship. A lover, that is willing to fight for me - and someone who I’d do the same for. I miss having completeness in my life, having someone to kiss and to laugh geniuely. To finally be myself (whoever that might be).
I am not pretending. I have problems. I make mistakes. I regret.
But I am hopeful.
I am human.
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